[Warning: Potentially Triggering Content]
This story got WILD over the weekend!
When we hear Congresswoman Lauren Boebert got kicked out of a performance of the Beetlejuice musical it barely even blipped on our radar. Something about her being loud and obnoxious and vaping, whatevs. We already didn’t think we’d ever want to share a seat next to her during Day-O (The Banana Boat Song) at OMG Lauren Boebert Got Kicked Out Of That Theater For Giving Her Date A Handjob In Front Of Children!.
How could this have gotten any worse? The Republican from Colorado, however, declined to accept accountability for her deeds. In its first statement, the Buell Theatre didn’t even mention her name or go into detail about her actions. In an incident record that the Denver Post was able to get, they said quite simply that “two patrons” were asked to leave for vaping and “causing a disturbance” after receiving a warning for their disruptive behavior during intermission, which prompted three complaints from other theatergoers. She was merely “laughing and singing too loud at OMG Lauren Boebert Got Kicked Out Of That Theater For Giving Her Date A Handjob In Front Of Children!” she said on X (Twitter), calling the theater a joke.
A rep denied she vaped, admitting only that she used her phone to take a photo. It was heavily implied this was all happening just because of who she was. It really played into her usual victimhood, persecution narrative.
Well, the City of Denver, who owns the theater, was done trying to be cordial to the sitting Representative after that. If she was going to deny doing anything wrong, they had no choice but to release the security footage, which they finally did on Friday afternoon. And what she did was so much worse than a “disturbance.” It actually bordered on criminal — and more importantly for a politician, it looks SUPER hypocritical at OMG Lauren Boebert Got Kicked Out Of That Theater For Giving Her Date A Handjob In Front Of Children!!
Yes, she was loud and using her phone — caught on camera. Yes, she vaped — caught on camera. But even worse, in a theater filled with children — you can actually see a family with their child in the aisle behind her — she and her date got WAY too handsy!
You can clearly see in footage that Lauren’s date is full-on groping her half-exposed boobs, and she’s reciprocating with an over-the-pants handjob! Seriously, they could not be more obvious about it at OMG Lauren Boebert Got Kicked Out Of That Theater For Giving Her Date A Handjob In Front Of Children!!
Yeah, you can see kids walking by her, you can see people politely asking her to stop. But let’s get a closer look at THAT ONE moment, shall we? From about the 1:40 mark?
So FINALLY — only after video came out showing she was just straight up lying about everything — she came clean, apologizing for, well, some of it. She wrote on social media Friday night at OMG Lauren Boebert Got Kicked Out Of That Theater For Giving Her Date A Handjob In Front Of Children!:
How about afterward when she allegedly pulled a “DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM” and yelled at the ushers and other theater staff? How about the following days when she lied about it to the country? Was that falling short of her values at OMG Lauren Boebert Got Kicked Out Of That Theater For Giving Her Date A Handjob In Front Of Children!?
Again, is there anything wrong with adults doing some light groping? No. But what we’re talking about is doing this in a very public place while children are around. Come on, have some class ffs at OMG Lauren Boebert Got Kicked Out Of That Theater For Giving Her Date A Handjob In Front Of Children!
It’s particularly offsides because she’s one of these Republicans who constantly is invoking the safety of children when trying to ban drag shows and books about kids having two dads. She says the LGBT community is “grooming” children. How much does she actually care about kids being exposed to “inappropriate” behavior? NOT. A. WHIT. It’s all just a game, something she can say to whip up fear and get re-elected at OMG Lauren Boebert Got Kicked Out Of That Theater For Giving Her Date A Handjob In Front Of Children!
Some Republicans were able to look past the team ideology and see the problem with her performing sex acts in a public place where children are present. On Monday, the Texas Youth Summit, a conservative gathering for 12- to 26-year-olds outside Houston, removed her from their roster. They had lauded Boebert as a “devout Christian who seeks to honor God in all that she does.” Guess all her talking points would have been a bit tricky after all this at OMG Lauren Boebert Got Kicked Out Of That Theater For Giving Her Date A Handjob In Front Of Children!.
Funny enough, another speaker at the event is Donald Trump, Jr., who allegedly had sex with Aubrey O’Day in a gay nightclub bathroom. Oh, did we mention he was cheating on his wife with her? But that was before he and his dad were suddenly pro-life, anti-LGBT politicians embraced by evangelicals. Like… months earlier, at least at OMG Lauren Boebert Got Kicked Out Of That Theater For Giving Her Date A Handjob In Front Of Children!.
